The House That Del Built

The Intellectual Musings of an Improv Wonk.

Just Say No! (…Sometimes)

I need to clear the air about something that keeps coming up lately, a very common misconception about a very important—maybe the most important—basic rule of improv: Don’t deny. Let’s get one thing straight right now:

Don’t deny does not mean you can’t say the word “no” in a scene.

Don’t deny does not mean you cannot disagree with your scene partner.

Don’t deny does not mean you cannot withhold something from your scene partner.

So what does it mean? 

Don’t deny means that you should never contradict the reality of the scene in which you find yourself. 

Don’t say no to the scene. Don’t disagree with the scene. Don’t withhold from the scene.

We all know what denying the reality of the scene looks like:

“Hey, Mom, I’m home from school!”

“I’m not your mother, I’m your wife…and you’re the President!”

We learned to stop doing that silliness in level one of wherever it was we trained. Because it completely grinds the scene to a halt by butting two alternate realities against each other, and even if you’re clever enough to wriggle your way out of the contradiction, it’s just a waste of time and energy, and a diversion from the real work of the scene. 

“Don’t deny” gets so engrained in us that sometimes we find ourselves compulsively saying the word “yes.” But sometimes saying the word “yes” can actually be denying the scene, and saying “no” can be affirming the reality of the scene. There’s a great example of how saying “no” is really saying “yes” in a scene between Ian Roberts and Amy Poehler in The Upright Citizen’s Brigade’s ASSSSCAT video from 2007. You may have seen it already. If you haven’t, it’s great, and you can watch it on Netflix instant right now (this scene comes in at 38:40. The scene starts with Ian addressing Amy, who’s clearly supposed to be his wife (based on the monologue that Kate Walsh has just given about inviting her newly ex-boyfriend to a skiing trip she planned with her friends to celebrate her recent “freedom”):

IAN: Amy, I know it’s been weird and really tense with us, but I wanna stay friends, and I wanna invite you to my divorce party. A bunch of the guys…

AMY: Why are you having a party that you’re getting divorced?

IAN: It’s them. It’s that thing: “You’re single, come on, we’re gonna go out…” I’m not into that. I’m so used to being a married guy and I’d love to have you there. It would be an excuse not to get a prostitute.

AMY: I don’t think the guys are gonna want me there.

IAN: Oh, they’ll be cool with it.

AMY: I don’t think they’ll be cool with it.

In the end, Amy begrudgingly attends the party, but “the guys” are not “cool with it”. Of course they’re not. They’ve made a cake with her as a sniper shooting at Ian. They’ve put Amy-faced saran wrap on the toilet seats. She is definitely not welcome at this party.

Now, what Amy is doing in this scene might seem like denial according to a strict and misguided interpretation of the rule, but what she is actual doing is saying “yes” to Ian’s set-up. She quickly surveys the context Ian has created and realizes that he’s playing the person who in inappropriately inviting the ex to a party celebrating the break-up, and the expected response on her part should be discomfort. If she had said, “Sounds great! I’m in!”, she turns into a crazy person who’s excited to go to her ex-husband’s divorce party, and that’s not the scene that Ian has established. What Ian wants is clear from the context (the preceding monologue) and from the fact that he begins with what would universally be perceived as an inappropriate request—a request that Amy’s character is correct to question, even to deny. Amy is saying “yes” to Ian by having her character say “no.”

And, in fact, the payoff of Amy being absolutely unwelcome in the most offensive and uncomfortable way would not have been possible without Amy having resisted Ian’s initial request out of concern that she would not, in fact, be welcome (this follows another rule about expectations: if someone has only one request of you, and it’s to not do a particular thing, your only job in the scene is to do that thing). Not only that, if she hadn’t resisted there also wouldn’t have been all of the wonderful clarification that came with him pressing her to come (he’s still more comfortable with her than out with the guys). Not only was saying “no” the right move to make, but in doing so, Amy enriched the scene and set it up for even greater success. 

Because, in the end, it’s not about the word “no” or the word “yes.” It’s about opting in to the scene, to its reality and rules of engagement. I’m not saying you should start dropping “no-bombs” left and right, but I am suggesting you stop being a “knee-jerk yesser,” and start thinking about the “yes” behind the words.

  1. upstairsgallery reblogged this from thehousethatdelbuilt and added:
    House That Del Built...quietly wracking up...impressive...
  2. thehousethatdelbuilt posted this